I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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