Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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