i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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