you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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