The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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