I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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