so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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