yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize