please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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