one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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