We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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