There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize