the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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