I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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