The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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