Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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