it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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