When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize