He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize