Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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