i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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