Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize