Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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