she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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