Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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