Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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