I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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