i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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