I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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