Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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