I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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