Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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