Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize