So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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