i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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