And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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