dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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