mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize