Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize