thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize