And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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