I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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