That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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