If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
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I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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