I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize