fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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