She is in my trunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
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