I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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