i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm bleeding and have questions
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