i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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